1/4-zip fleece game on point. PGP.

I bought shoe polish over my lunch break. PGP.

I’m not anti-social, I just don’t like anyone I work with. PGP.

My date didn’t want to come home with me, but she endorsed me on LinkedIn. So I wouldn’t count it as a total loss. PGP.

The guy without a college degree making twice as much as me. PGP.

Today, I watched in horror as the violent flush of the handicapped stall shot a pellet-sized turd directly at me. It hit my crotch and then bounced into my shoe. PGP.

No Bill Simmons mailbag this week. PGP.

Two years into the real world. Still haven’t used algebra. At all. PGP.

My aspiration is to be Clark Griswold. PGP.

A girl from Tinder just found me on LinkedIn. PGP.