Is there a phone number out there whose menu options haven’t changed? PGP.

Purposely taking your sweet ass time during the fire drill. PGP.

Managing amounts of money that I have no fucking chance of ever having myself. PGP.

Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V. PGP.

When I get bored at work, I just get pictures of goats off the internet and send the pictures to my coworkers in emails marked “important.” PGP.

I’ve been here long enough to where people expect me to know what I’m doing, but I still have no clue. PGP.

I signed an offer letter on Friday, then was invited to interview with a Fortune 500 company on Monday. I have no idea what to do. PGP.

I legitimately forget how old I am sometimes. PGP.

I have no intention to change my drinking habits. PGP.

Inescapable urinal small talk. PGP.