Actual note on the break room fridge: “Do not haze the interns, this isn’t college and they aren’t pledges.” PGP.

Talking about the bar at work, talking about work at the bar. PGP.

Going from checking out the girls at the mall to checking out girls’ moms at the mall. PGP.

Friends with benefits now means my friends have health insurance and a 401k. #PGP

Going from getting pretty girls drunk to drinking ugly girls pretty. PGP.

Getting your password wrong four times because you have the shakes from the weekend.

After my bossed finished his 5 minute discussion on equity carve-outs with me, he then reached his hand under the stall and asked to borrow some toilet paper. PGP.

I go to the office gym twice a day…because my secret poop place is in the men’s locker room. PGP.

My mom keeps buying me self help books