Spent over four hours today trying to figure out the Rubik’s Cube on the Google home page. PGP.

1: “Let’s do lunch.” 2: “If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I wouldn’t need this job.” PGP.

Submitting one resume and immediately planning a life based around that potential job. PGP.

Having “team huddles” twice a week that consist of the CFO reading Dilbert strips aloud, followed by brainstorming ways to apply these lessons to our work. PGP.

Quit calling me a “team player.” I’m not. PGP.

Developing “monitor envy” when a coworker gets dual screens that are larger than your one. PGP.

Learning the hard way to keep happy hour and social media separate. PGP.

When “eating healthy” is having all the basic food groups in your Chipotle bowl. PGP.

Someone clogged my favorite toilet in the office on Monday. It still hasn’t been fixed. PGP.

Contemplating throwing yourself down the stairs at work for some workers comp money every time you leave the office. PGP.