My Halloween news feed went from a bunch of girls in slutty costumes to a bunch of babies in costumes. PGP.

“Just make it happen.” PGP.

The highlight of my day is cleaning my keyboard with compressed air. PGP

We hired two “quality control officers” to monitor office productivity. My office literally just brought in “The Bobs.” PGP.

Getting a rejection letter four minutes after applying for a job. PGP.

I shouldn’t have stayed out until 10 on a work night. PGP.

“Dress socks” with Nike swooshes on them on laundry day. PGP.

Trying to figure out a Halloween costume is giving me anxiety. PGP.

Getting asked by every fucking friend and family member if you know Jake upon accepting a job with State Farm. PGP.

What do I have to do to get fired? I’m out here tryna get a severance. PGP.