If someone uses the Keurig and neglects to refill the water one more time, I am going to lose my FUCKING MIND. PGP.

“She has a kid now? I remember when we partied with her in college.” PGP.

Assuming that one day of bringing your lunch makes up for a month of fast food. PGP.

Moving the Snapchat text area to strategically block out your double chin. PGP.

Checking the qualifications, not the job description. PGP.

Considering putting a “13.1” bumper sticker on your car just so people think you do more than eat pizza. PGP.

Fantasizing about sternly asking your micromanaging supervisor, “Just what exactly do you do around here?” PGP.

Could really go for a Lean Cuisine right about now. PGP.

Spending an extra 5-10 minutes in the stall after you’re done pooping just because you enjoy the silence. PGP.

Drinking responsibly. PGP.