Bringing an “Out Of Order” sign on your bathroom breaks so you can drop your deuces in peace. PGP.

Had a great first date last night. We bonded over how terrible cable companies are. PGP.

I just asked my coworkers if it was illegal to be drunk at work or just against company policies. They laughed because they thought I was kidding. PGP.

I might just spend all day today picking lint balls off my shirt. PGP.

“Come see me when you get in this morning.” PGP.

Free HBO and Cinemax weekends are a big deal in my house. PGP.

The guy who doesn’t even pretend to care about making eye contact in the hallway. PGP.

Too old to have roommates. Too poor to live alone. PGP.

Sneezed at the urinal, pissed on my tie. PGP.