Still can’t grow a beard. PGP

Can’t wait to get my taxes done so I can be responsible and blow it all in Vegas.

I have got to stop drinking like I’m still in college. PGP.

Team Snapchat was the only person to wish me a happy Valentine’s Day. PGP.

The last two girls I have been with have gotten engaged to the guy after me. PGP.

My paycheck feels like a participation award. PGP.

Not only have my friends been getting married, but now some of them are getting divorced. PGP.

Walking briskly through the office to create an illusion of being busy. PGP

I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t at least a little tired. PGP

“Other duties as assigned” being the only accurate part of your job description. PGP.