Why is it that the only time I’m motivated to go to the gym is between 9am and 5pm? PGP.

The 8:05am “I gotta get the fuck out of this place” panic attack. PGP.

The “I’m not trying to bash teachers…” preface before laying into them for complaining about pay when they get two months and all major holidays off. PGP.

Drunkenly ironing a shirt in a hotel room. PGP.

When your boss describes your title as an “entry level position,” in front of you. PGP.

Submitted a request for two hours of vacation on Thursday to watch USA vs. Germany. Denied. PGP.

Getting a “Your account balance fell below $25 dollars” email twice in the same week. PGP.

Corporate shut down my office and gave me severance. I should be looking for a job, but I’m looking forward to an all-expenses-paid summer. PGP.

I slept for 16 hours on Sunday, woke up at 4pm, and was still able to fall back asleep at 9pm. PGP.

The amount of power I felt on Tinder when swiping left on a girl name Felicia and screaming “Bye Felicia!” was unreal. PGP.