All of my phone calls with coworkers last about 20 seconds, and someone always ends up saying “Just email me that information.”

“Reaching out” to people instead of just emailing or calling them. PGP

“Firing up” your computer in the morning. PGP

My desk computer loves running lengthy mandatory software updates exclusively on the days that I am currently running late.

5 of my Facebook friends are celebrating birthdays today, and I don’t care about any of them

We all just got laid off.

Took a personal on Monday. Saw a matinee by myself, cut the lawn, and was in bed by 9. PGP

Contemplated calling in a noise complaint on my undergrad neighbors around 11:45pm last night. PGP

Lying about having seen a YouTube video so you don’t have to stand there and watch it.

“Tag me in that” is now “don’t post that”