Received a congratulatory email for a promotion in error.

Stayed up three hours past my bed time last night. Woke up feeling hungover. I didn’t even drink last night. PGP

Being legitimately concerned with what mortgage rates are. PGP.

I always think tomorrow is the day I’ll start giving a shit. Tomorrow never comes. PGP.

I got on the same elevator with the attractive girl, and completely choked

Only being able to tell your coworkers the PG13, edited for TV, version of your weekend. PGP

Preempting heartburn by immediately chasing a greasy sandwich with a shot of Pepto. PGP

I have no idea how to do my taxes. PGP.

Looking for your Times New Roman in the streets who’s a Wingdings in the sheets, but content on settling with a Calibri every time.

When I start thinking that I won’t have an original idea, I just remind myself that Jimmy Buffett wrote a song about goddamn cheeseburgers and is now a multimillionaire.