Bring your child to work day is the best birth control. PGP.

Using your current employer’s printer and scanner to send out your signed offer letter. PGP.

Can’t remember the last time I bought Gatorade for a sports-related reason. PGP.

Putting things on your desk/walls so your boss won’t realize you’re planning to leave as soon as humanly possible. PGP.

My boss handed me his iPad with a sticky note on it that read: “Broken.” Turns out he didn’t charge it. PGP.

“Are you busy?” is an absurd trap of a trick question. PGP.

Friends in relationships constantly trying to set you up with their single friends. PGP.

Big middle finger to whoever just heated up fish in the kitchen microwave. PGP.

The daily “woke up too late to make breakfast” and “too tired after work to cook dinner” fast food runs. PGP.

Can’t get Ambien so I’m doubling down on melatonin. PGP.