I was two hours late to work today, and nobody noticed. I’m not sure if I feel relieved or nervous. PGP.

Dropped 20 pounds in the last year. Planned a shirtless costume to get babes. It’s 45 degrees right now and supposed to get colder tonight. PGP.

My girlfriend gained too much weight this year to pull off a slutty Halloween costume. PGP.

Girls going from “sexy” to “comfy” Halloween costumes. PGP.

Getting a rejection letter four minutes after applying for a job. PGP.

My office is colder than how I feel inside. PGP.

Feeling untouchable after your boss comes to talk to you and you actually have work on your computer screen. PGP.

Made the big financial splurge for Spotify Premium. PGP

I lost the radio war in the office. Now, I hear “All About That Bass” at least five times a day. PGP.

Getting asked by every fucking friend and family member if you know Jake upon accepting a job with State Farm. PGP.