My new drug dealer is my doctor. PGP.

This isn’t the job I deserved, but the job I needed. PGP.

My bank account sits at -$13.47. I am worth negative one medium, no topping pizza. PGP.

Everyone in my company uses stand up desks. PGP.

Didn’t wake up as a Victoria’s Secret Angel this morning. PGP.

I eat at the same five places every week. PGP.

Losing the privilege of working from home. PGP.

My boyfriend still pisses the bed when he’s drunk. PGP.

Your girlfriend wearing sweatpants to watch the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. PGP.

Johnny Manziel being stuck behind an incompetent veteran. PGP.