I hate not being able to afford something far more than I would enjoy owning it. PGP.

I haven’t gotten a work email in two weeks. PGP.

The people who say “see you next year” today, when they know you will see them tomorrow. PGP.

My New Year’s resolution is the same as it was sophomore year in college: To stop pissing myself while blacked out. PGP.

My resolutions for 2014 have become my resolutions for 2015. PGP.

I’ve already lost half of the socks I got on Christmas. PGP.

My coworker is ten times more annoying now since his heart attack. PGP.

My favorite gift this year was the Sonicare my mom got me. PGP.

Kyle Orton just retired at half the age I hope to retire. PGP.

Thought I could get away with wearing jeans into our near-empty office today. Still got called into HR. PGP.