My boss just volunteered me to speak at an elementary school for career day. PGP.

I didn’t make a single call all last week and no one even said anything. PGP.

Not adding anyone as a friend on the Fitbit app because I don’t want my friends to see how big of a lazy piece of shit I am. PGP.

I have been asked by every single one of my middle-aged female coworkers if I know Farmer Chris just because I’m from Iowa. PGP.

The head of my company’s diversity committee is an old white guy. PGP.

99% of my work is done in 5 minute bursts. PGP.

I put in my two weeks notice and took a two hour lunch. PGPM.

1: “Did you already eat lunch?” 2: “Yeah.” 1: “Do you want to go to Chili’s anyway?” 2: “Yeah.” PGP.

Friday, you son of a bitch! PGP.

NYE hangover: day two. PGP.