I haven’t been this sober on my birthday since high school. PGP

I still make out in bars.PGP

Visited my college over the weekend. Blew my knee out running from the cops. PGP.

Knowing the perfect speed limit so you hit only green lights on your commute. PGP

I’m not going to pay my bills until lunchtime because I want to see my bank account with that money for just a little bit longer. PGP.

Pretty sure I’m the guy who’s always humming in my office. PGP.

Moved a meeting to buy Garth tickets the minute they go on sale.

2 billion dollar company. 1 ply toilet paper. #PGP

Been texting back an forth with three women at once today: My mom, my sister, and my boss. PGP

I’m really feeling the pressure to add my work email to my phone, but I just don’t want to. PGP.