Really excited about the leftovers I brought for lunch today, you guys. PGP.

Praying your check goes in at midnight to cover your “Thirsty Thursday” bar tab. PGP.

The only PEDs I’ve been accused of taking are coffee and Metamucil. PGP.

Conversations with mom used to be short because I didn’t want her to know the extent of my partying. Now I just have nothing going on. PGP.

Morning: “I will never drink on a work night again.” 5 PM: “Who’s down to do happy hour?” PGP.

Drinking responsibly just isn’t as fun. PGP.

Made lunch today and gave myself food poisoning. PGP.

Being jealous of your cat every morning you leave for work. PGP.

My boss followed me into the bathroom this morning, then stood outside the stall door and tried to have a conversation with me. PGP.

Sometimes I leave the office to run an “errand” and just drive around for 15 minutes. PGP.