The only men that hit on me are old enough to be my father and creepy enough to be my uncle. PGP.

Please don’t talk to me please don’t talk to me please don’t talk to me damn it. “Good morning!” PGP.

Spent over four hours today trying to figure out the Rubik’s Cube on the Google home page. PGP.

1: “Let’s do lunch.” 2: “If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I wouldn’t need this job.” PGP.

Submitting one resume and immediately planning a life based around that potential job. PGP.

Having “team huddles” twice a week that consist of the CFO reading Dilbert strips aloud, followed by brainstorming ways to apply these lessons to our work. PGP.

The office throwing an open bar event on Thursday and still expecting you to be at the office Friday morning. PGP.

Using the Snapchat caption to cover your newly-formed double chin. PGP.

Unidentifiable floating objects left in the toilet from the person who went before you. PGP.