Pretending to take a call when you rip a huge fart at your cube so no one comes over to talk to you. PGP.

Taking personal advantage of Fathers’ Day sales because you need them more than your old man. PGP.

“Show me the law where it says we can’t make interns do wall-sits.” PGP.

Flirting with the call center lady who is sending me a new credit card because she’s the only woman I’ve talked to all day. PGP.

An absolutely horrific day of golf is still better than a good day in the office. PGP.

Ironically, my office communicator has said “Busy” all day. PGP.

1: “Hey, happy birthday, man.” 2: “Please don’t tell anyone.”

Black coffee. Black pants. Black laptop. Black pen. Black soul. PGP.

So what you’re to telling me is that eating leftover Chipotle in bed on a Friday night isn’t turning up? PGP.