The light sensors in the bathroom last seven minutes. Feels like 30 seconds. PGP.

Spending the rest of the afternoon cleaning out the speaker holes in my iPhone with a push pin. PGP.

Being on double secret probation isn’t as fun as it was in college. PGP.

Please don’t talk to me please don’t talk to me please don’t talk to me damn it. “Good morning!” PGP.

The only way for me to get to the bathroom is to walk by our VP’s office. Nothing is sacred anymore. PGP.

Attempting to discreetly leave the office early, but the girl at reception yells, “HAVE A GREAT EVENING!” PGP.