I got a job in my college town. So now when I’m out, I’m referred to as “that old guy.” PGP.

My only Tinder match in the past week ended up blocking me. I didn’t even say hi. PGP.

It used to be “No new friends” because I didn’t want any. Now it’s “no new friends” because I can’t make any. PGP.

I miss being able to relate to TFM. PGP.

My bank posts my paycheck as “pending” the day before pay day, essentially teasing me with my own money. PGP.

The not so very subtle fist pump when the handicap stall in the bathroom is vacant. PGP.

This is my cube. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My cube is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My cube, without me, is useless. Without my cube, I am useless. PGP.

Only keeping Facebook to use Tinder. PGP.

I now consider 3 Tinder matches in a row a “hot streak.” PGP.

When your annual raise doesn’t even keep up with the cost of inflation. PGP.