Six staff members asked if I was new at the back-to-school meeting. I have been teaching here for two years. PGP.

It would be less embarrassing for my nudes to leak than my bank account balance. PGP.

The amount of work I didn’t do today almost makes me feel guilty. Almost. PGP.

“Let’s take this offline” never ends well. PGP.

I’ve been here for nine months and still can’t figure out how to use the landline. PGP.

The least productive part of my day is when I’m at work. PGP.

The feeling of sheer joy when someone cancels plans. PGP.

Can’t tell if my life is getting better or if my standards are just dropping. PGP.

Constantly needing to get your ducks in a row. PGP.

38 minutes late to work today because I jacked off in the shower this morning. I didn’t even finish. PGP.