My mom told me she was proud of me. I think she was trying to convince herself more than anything. PGP.

“Come see me when you get in this morning.” PGP.

For my 25th birthday I got laid off. PGP.

I can finally scratch “Get sued” off my bucket list. PGP.

We meet again, motion sensor restroom light switches. PGP.

Someone is selling two parakeets at the office, if you’re into that sort of thing. PGP.

LinkedIn recommended my girlfriend connect with my ex. PGP.

Texting my mom at work to ask her the most professional way to quit. PGP.

Someone asking “What did you get?” every single time you come back from lunch. PGP.

Had a dream I was fired and got a huge severance package. Best dream ever. PGP.