According to my life insurance policy I’m worth a lot more dead than alive. PGP

Get drunk early. Go to bed early. Wake up early.

All of my friends are going to my ex-girlfriends wedding this weekend.

Having all the ingredients to cook dinner except for the motivation. PGP.

Still using a painted “Formal 2010” cooler. #PGP

Thinking about sending in my application to The Real World.

Can’t wait to spend my tax return on my credit card bill. #PGP

One of these days I’m gonna order a beer at lunch. PGP.

Wishing you could pull a Jake Locker and retire at 26. PGP.

Been calling a new guy Steve for two weeks. He emailed me today that his name is Rick. PGP.