Middle aged professionals who still can’t flush. PGP.

The supplies in my office aren’t worth stealing. PGP

My life goal is to be so successful that it hurts my ex girlfriends feelings. PGP

“When I was your age, I was just like you.” PGP.

Finally got laid by using eharmonys free trial weekend. PGP.

“We are continuing to monitor the adverse conditions in the Houston area. However, operations are expected to continue as normal.” PGP.

Get me the fuck out of here. PGP.

Making in 17 years what Andrew McCutchen took home in one paycheck. PGP.

The biggest douche in my high school is now a famous actor in Hollywood. PGP.