Bank info was stolen, but none of the fraudulent charges went through because I don’t have enough money to afford the things they tried to buy. PGP.

Bit by bit, my boss is eating all the snacks I keep at my desk. PGP.

I can identify my coworkers by their bald spots. PGP.

“Student at Univ…” head-tilted profile pics on LinkedIn making me feel promiscuous. PGP.

How many girls have swiped left on my profile by mistake? PGP.

Emails prefaced with “Action Required.” PGP.

Finding a significant other with good health insurance is my number one priority, because mine is awful. PGP.

“Hey Dad, I’m coming home today” “Why?” PGP.

I get excited when I think about what I’m gonna wear next casual Friday. PGP.