She changed the Netflix password after we broke up. PGP.

Got drunk and hooked up with a chick in HR. What have I done? PGP.

There was a fight outside my apartment last night. It was between two hobos for a piece of cardboard. PGP.

The Google homepage wished me a happy birthday before any human did. PGP.

Ranking your coworkers by who’s most likely to go postal. PGP.

“Good Day” by Nappy Roots came on Pandora at work and my first thought was “not a chance.” PGP.

Had a dream I was fired and got a huge severance package. Best dream ever. PGP.

Riding a fine line between being offended and ‘fair enough’ when you’re made aware of your family’s unanimous concern of you treating the upcoming family trip like a ‘boozy college beach week.’ PGP.

“You really need to stop treating the intern like he is a pledge from your fraternity days”-My boss. PGP.

I have a client whose last name is Bond. Every time he calls me, I say “Good evening, Mr.Bond” in an evil villain voice. He must hate me. PGP.