My Tinder matches give me pep talks.

Being torn between belittling judgement and fleeting jealousy of people who still live with their parents. PGP.

I’ve never been asked for proof that I graduated. PGP.

My boss just invited himself to my wedding. PGP.

1: “How bout that rain last night?” 2: “Yeah, we need it, though.” PGP.

“The webinar will begin shortly. Please remain on the line” PGP

I’m legitimately sick today, but I couldn’t call in to work because my boss wouldn’t believe me.

Requesting to move to DEFCON 1. The coffee machine in my office just broke. PGP.

The hangover today is a disheartening reminder that I can’t drink like that during the week. PGP.

I don’t think anyone in my office would notice if I went missing.