Just gave my two weeks during my annual performance review. DOBBY IS A FREE ELF. PGP.

Mandatory webinar at 6 p.m. PGP.

I have a constant day dream of watching “The Big Lebowski” in my bathtub while eating a large pizza. PGP.

I saw the sun for 20 minutes today. PGP.

I still don’t know what the acronym in my company’s name stands for. PGP.

Button just popped off my pants. I’m giving a presentation in 20 minutes. My belt hides it, but I don’t know what will hide my shame. PGP.

Boss just got a new Porsche. I just got my mom’s old Suburban. PGP.

Understanding why Frank Ricard was excited for his big weekend trip to Home Depot and why he didn’t know if there would be enough time for Bed Bath & Beyond. PGP.

Still playing Flappy Bird. PGP.

We hired two “quality control officers” to monitor office productivity. My office literally just brought in “The Bobs.” PGP.