My company not having its shit together is the only thing keeping me from being fired. PGP.

The people who say “see you next year” today, when they know you will see them tomorrow. PGP.

Taking an early lunch to take advantage of the doorbuster specials at Jos. A. Bank. PGP.

Secretly hoping the plastic bottle vodka gag gift makes it around to you in the company gift exchange. PGP.

My wife joined Twitter. Now I have to stop following porn stars. PGP.

Wearing the same pair of jeans to work for the third day in a row. PGP.

Getting stressed trying to figure out how I’m going to afford Christmas gifts for all my family and friends. PGP.

Giancarlo Stanton now makes 893 times my current salary. PGP.

Ate lunch alone today. Happy birthday to me. PGP.

Negative net worth. PGP.