Getting a rejection letter four minutes after applying for a job. PGP.

My manager has started using emojis in her emails. PGP.

What do I have to do to get fired? I’m out here tryna get a severance. PGP.

Trying my new flannel sheets being the upcoming highlight of my week. PGP.

Showing my boss – who makes a quarter of a million dollars a year – how to make “cool bullet sounds” for his PowerPoint presentation. PGP.

ALL CAPS IS INDUSTRY STANDARD. i FORGET TO TURN IT OFF OCCASIONALLY AND EVERYONE THINKS I’M YELLING ON FACEBOOK. PGP.

Debating a vasectomy after watching my boss’s kid for a half hour. PGP.

Making less money than your parents pay in taxes. PGP.

“I’d rather have a beer.” -Sideburns. PGP.