If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had been here. I’d forget too. PGP.

A coworker asked if I have any kids. I said, “Man, I hope not.” They did not find it amusing. PGP.

My coworker just turned on her space heater. We’re in Texas and it’s July. PGP.

Everything I want seems to require a certain level of dedication and self control. I will never have anything I want. PGP.

Not only living with your parents, but going to sleep before them. PGP.

Feeling guilty every time Wikipedia prompts you to donate, knowing that without it you wouldn’t have a degree or job. PGP.

My boss wanted to see an Excel video on YouTube, and I instinctively typed YouJizz. PGP.

When the bank teller asks if you’d like a complimentary financial planning session after looking at your account. PGP.

It’s not a question of whether or not I’ll have drinks after work, it’s how many. PGP.