Someone in HR overheard me telling the interns an embellished sex story from college. Strike one. PGP.

1: “How’d you meet your wife?” 2: “Tinder.” PGP.

My desk chair was taken away to use in a meeting. I had to stand all morning. I have a broken foot. PGP.

Using the fear of Ebola as an excuse for not going to the gym. PGP.

Christmas Eve is considered a mandatory workday in my office. PGP.

Guy from accounting thinks it’s hilarious to stare at me from the doorway until I ask him what he wants. All he says is “Hey buddy,” then walks off. Every time. PGP.

I’m better prepared to get Ebola than to get someone pregnant. PGP.

The ratio of people to cake is too big. PGP.

People your own age calling you “sir.” PGP.

Fruit is fucking expensive. PGP.