Partner just said “It’s lit.” PGP.

I’m getting transferred to the office in the burbs and it’s advised that I move there so I can more easily identify with the rest of the employees. PGPM

I tweaked my shoulder in my sleep and it’s really sore today

There aren’t nearly as many “illions” in my bank account as I thought there would be at this point in my life. PGP.

Everyone in the office is at Oaks drinking bourbon and betting on horses and I’m sitting here in my cube because I don’t have PTO yet. PGP.

It’s 12:42 am, I wake up in 6 hours to get ready for work. I am unsure of whether or not I’m in good enough shape to masturbate enjoyably right now. PGP

Buying pedialyte in anticipation of tomorrow morning. PGP.

I woke up feeling hungover and haven’t drank in 4 days

My friends asked me to go with them to the midnight screening of the new Captain America movie, told them it was too late. PGP.