You know that old cliche to keep your eye on the ball? I keep my eye on the clock.

Still sore from golf on Sunday. PGP

Trump just won my home state. PGP.

Applied for a job from my work computer yesterday. PGPM

Too lazy to take out my contacts every night. Too poor to afford Lasik. PGP.

My entire body is sore after playing Kan-Jam over the weekend

“So I know we’ve been talking recently of you being promoted, but…”

Too rich for income-restricted housing. Too poor for market value. PGP.

“To the first of many birthdays spent in a cubicle” – My supervisor. PGP