Pre-ordering the standard, 16GB iPhone 6 and still needing to put it on a credit card. PGP.

R.I.P. ’96 Ford Taurus. Hello public transportation. PGP.

This whole Ray Rice thing really makes me wonder how many times someone has seen me pick my nose while riding an elevator alone. PGP.

I just want to have enough money so that I don’t have to think twice about adding guacamole. PGP.

Feeling dirty because I cheated on Netflix with Amazon Prime, even though I don’t pay for either. PGP.

Not needing to prioritize food before women because you’re too poor to afford a date, but just “rich” enough to buy a nice frozen pizza. PGP.

Everyone is working from home today. I didn’t get the memo. PGP.

The only matches I get on Tinder these days are hooker spam bots. PGP.

I have a client whose last name is Bond. Every time he calls me, I say “Good evening, Mr.Bond” in an evil villain voice. He must hate me. PGP.

Brooks Brothers taste on a JoS. A. Bank budget. PGP.