“Hey, how’s it going?” “Well, it’s going…”

Coworker forgot to press mute on a conference call and the entire company heard her say, “Fuck this shit.”

I’ve used up most of my PTO going to job interviews.

Having a date at 8 p.m. and already worrying you’ll get home past your bedtime.

Stuttering when my doctor asks me how many alcoholic beverages I consume per week.

Took six flights of stairs to avoid talking with a coworker in the garage elevator.

“Our team is like the Navy SEALs of the company.”

Never using my standup desk so people can’t see I’m not working.

My job forces me to use Internet Explorer.

Non-C Level douches who write their LinkedIn profiles in the third person.