The person that talks to me the most during the day is the voice in the elevator. PGP.

Feeling better about “Nice work” coming from PGP than your own boss. PGP.

I’ve gotten several compliments on my new car the last few days. It’s a rental. PGP.

Putting the toilet seat cover on while talking on the phone was by far the most productive thing I’ve done this month. PGP.

Texting my mom at work to ask her the most professional way to quit. PGP.

People thinking you’re telling a joke when you tell them your salary. PGP.

“I hear there are hot guys on the 9th floor.” PGP.

Someone asking “What did you get?” every single time you come back from lunch. PGP.

Paying your student loans on your lunch break. PGP.

I ate peanut butter sandwiches for lunch and dinner yesterday. I hate 31-day months. PGP.