Got drunk and hooked up with a chick in HR. What have I done? PGP.

There was a fight outside my apartment last night. It was between two hobos for a piece of cardboard. PGP.

The Google homepage wished me a happy birthday before any human did. PGP.

Ranking your coworkers by who’s most likely to go postal. PGP.

“Good Day” by Nappy Roots came on Pandora at work and my first thought was “not a chance.” PGP.

Somehow I always manage to get sick on Friday. PGP.

Not needing to prioritize food before women because you’re too poor to afford a date, but just “rich” enough to buy a nice frozen pizza. PGP.

Everyone is working from home today. I didn’t get the memo. PGP.

The only matches I get on Tinder these days are hooker spam bots. PGP.

Riding a fine line between being offended and ‘fair enough’ when you’re made aware of your family’s unanimous concern of you treating the upcoming family trip like a ‘boozy college beach week.’ PGP.