Knowing a great sand guy. PGP.

Bank info was stolen, but none of the fraudulent charges went through because I don’t have enough money to afford the things they tried to buy. PGP.

I can identify my coworkers by their bald spots. PGP.

How many girls have swiped left on my profile by mistake? PGP.

Emails prefaced with “Action Required.” PGP.

I could be on that super-drug from “Lucy” and still wouldn’t be able to get all this shit done. PGP.

My birthday treat was adding guac to my burrito that I’m eating alone at my desk. PGP.

The closest thing I have to a lifelong relationship is my relationship with Sallie Mae. PGP.

A firm, yet very depressing sense of self-awareness. PGP.

I get excited when I think about what I’m gonna wear next casual Friday. PGP.