I ate a hamburger bun for breakfast. PGP.

I no longer understand the concept of “expendable income.” PGP.

Retail therapy occurs exclusively in the clearance section. PGP.

On their birthdays, everyone in the office gets a cake. I got two bowls of fruit because “We thought you were trying to watch your weight.” PGP.

I couldn’t name a single song in the Top 40, but I can tell you every song that’s on “The River” by Bruce Springsteen. PGP.

Not telling your parents you got promoted because you’re scared they’ll stop giving you money. PGP.

Mom coming to visit this weekend. Perfect timing. I have $17 left in my checking account. PGP.

Work is slow and quiet today. It’s making me anxious. PGP.

I just Googled, “How to sleep with your eyes open.” PGP.

Day dreaming about sex in my morning meeting. PGP.