Utilizing WebMD for medical jargon to make your fake illness sound much more believable. PGP.

Drinking games now means seeing if I can finish a drink without feeling sleepy. PGP.

Finally got a view on my online dating profile. It was my mom and she emailed me a list of things to edit. PGP.

Not pouring ice water on your head for charity, but because you can’t afford air conditioning. PGP.

College drama doesn’t have shit on office politics. PGP.

Legally, I’m a full-time freelancer. I’ve never experienced this ‘lunch’ you speak of. PGP.

Nobody has nominated me for the Ice Bucket Challenge yet. PGP.

Chewed out by IT for having Chrome extensions, but not for the 68GB of pirated movies on my work computer. PGP.

In yesterday’s mail I received: a mortgage statement, a bill from my dermatologist, and a wedding invitation. So, all bills. PGP.

Bringing an “Out Of Order” sign on your bathroom breaks so you can drop your deuces in peace. PGP.