Took just one day off after my wedding, not because I like work, but that’s all I can afford. PGP.

Actually being intrigued by an infomercial. PGP.

My parents are making me stay home this year for Halloween and hand out candy so they can go out with their friends. PGP.

Reading Amazon reviews for nose hair trimmers. PGP.

Was told, “Thanks for keeping the seat warm for me, chief,” as I left the stall. PGP.Was told, “Thanks for keeping the seat warm for me, chief,” as I left the stall. PGP.

Still trying to convince myself that I am one, really big poop away from my pants fitting right again. PGP.

Got my very own surge protector today. PGP.

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, assuming I die by Monday. PGP.

Office bathroom is right outside my door. My boss ate Mexican for lunch. PGP.