The daily struggle between drinking or losing weight

I’m the only person on my team without a marriage, house, or kids. PGP.

HR absolutely did not appreciate me barging into mid-interview for interns and asking them “kill fuck marry.”

Can’t wait until I become one of these people whose whole job seems to be dropping by each office and asking its occupant “Do you have a minute?” PGP.

Not having the premium version of Acrobat on your personal laptop. PGP.

The internet is super slow because everyone is streaming the Masters

Got a 2 out of 3 on my performance exam for attendance. I haven’t missed a day of work since 2014. PGP.

When I get home from work I use my work laptop to watch Hulu so I appear “online” after hours. PGPM.

Fuck you and your cc-ing habit. PGP.

Changing my PGP profile picture is the most productive thing I’ve done all day. PGP