The printer at work was making a painfully high pitched noise, and I was the only one young enough to hear it. PGP.

I only smoke when I work. PGP.

My wife joined Twitter. Now I have to stop following porn stars. PGP.

I have literally zero control over how much I drink whenever I go out. PGP.

My Halloween news feed went from a bunch of girls in slutty costumes to a bunch of babies in costumes. PGP.

I don’t know what’s more concerning, that I’m the only one in my office not dressed up for Halloween or that my boss is wearing the most complex Hellraiser costume I’ve ever seen. PGP.

Overtime means I’ll find out who wins tomorrow morning. PGP.

The thought of sleeping in tomorrow is making me giddy. PGP.

Tried to haze the pledges at homecoming. Corporate life has made me soft. PGP.

The kief catcher on my grinder is the closest thing I have to a savings account. PGP.