A 23-year-old just won the World Cup for his country. All I’ve done for mine is pay taxes. PGP.

When your drinking schedule on Saturday is 2 to 8 rather than 8 to 2. PGP.

Considering stealing some copper. Not to buy meth, but to buy wedding gifts. PGP.

My manager saw me wearing aviators and now everytime I call him he answers with, “Talk to me Goose.” PGP.

I shit more in one day than I did a week in college. PGP.

It’s 9:30 in the morning and I already feel like I need a beer. PGP.

This is my cube. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My cube is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My cube, without me, is useless. Without my cube, I am useless. PGP.

“What the fuck are we supposed to be doing?” PGP.

I’m not driving the struggle bus. I’m not even riding the struggle bus. I just got run the fuck over by the struggle bus. PGP.