I don’t care about your kids.

My life goal is to be so successful that it hurts my ex girlfriends feelings. PGP

You make a drunken scene at one family wedding, and no one lets you live it down. PGP

Just uttering “Mornin'” to a coworker because you’re apparently too lazy to say “Good morning.” PGP.

Took a personal on Monday. Saw a matinee by myself, cut the lawn, and was in bed by 9. PGP

1: “How bout that rain last night?” 2: “Yeah, we need it, though.” PGP.

Blacked out last weekend and woke up on Sunday with a Match.com account. It was $40. #PGP

Bring your child to work day. PGP.

Pretending to work is harder than actually working.

I fell asleep before the Blackhawks even got to OT last night. PGP.