I literally did nothing at work today. Seriously, nothing. PGP.

Having to lie to coworkers on Monday morning to make it seem like I had an exciting weekend. PGP.

Motion to bring back “Dick’s Picks” to PGP because the undergrads on TFM do not know the saga of Dick Perry’s rise to fame and epic collapse. PGP.

Free HBO and Cinemax weekends are a big deal in my house. PGP.

My career arc is disturbingly similar to Matt Leinart’s. PGP.

Going back to your desk to get your cell phone before heading to the bathroom. PGP.

My girlfriend could do better. PGP.

Too old to have roommates. Too poor to live alone. PGP.

Emails prefaced with “Action Required.” PGP.