The asshole/gentleman balance that worked in college just doesn’t work anymore. PGP.

Until recently, I thought Ariana Grande was a font in Microsoft Office. PGP.

I fucking love my Honda Accord. PGP.

Netflix autopay just overdrafted my checking account. PGP.

I don’t know what it’s like to be fat, but I’m awfully close to finding out. PGP.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit. PGP.

Just told a joke to the guy in the cube next to me. He wasn’t there. PGP.

Getting so bored at work that you actually do work. PGP.

I bet Jake from State Farm makes more than I do. PGP.

Went to an ice cream social at work. Didn’t say a word to anyone. PGP.